


Hours At A Time, Hours At My Screen

by evangelistofstars



Series: Comet Squad's Texts [1]
Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy
Genre: A Lot Of Marya Screaming, Don't Judge Me, Gen, I'm so sorry, Kinky, Let's All Kinkshame Anatole, Pierre Is Super Emo, Such A Shitty Fic, Why Is Marya Not One Of The Available Characters??, Yes It's A Great Comet Chatroom AU, a LOT of references, this is really bad, too many references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-10-22 16:01:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10700343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evangelistofstars/pseuds/evangelistofstars
Summary: the great comet gang has all travelled to 2017 and are in the same group chat.CountessNatalya: Natashasonyeah: Sonyagrandedame: Maryaanatoliravioli: AnatoleDaddyDolokhov: Dolokhovhella: Helenevirginmary: MaryItsBalaga: Balagaandreyyyyyy: AndreyPierre1Imports: Pierre





	1. ANATOLE FIND ANATOLE

_**CountessNatalya** has added **sonyeah** and 5 others to the chat_  
_**CountessNatalya** has named the chat Groupchat Needs A Name_  
**CountessNatalya:** hey guys!  
**sonyeah:** hey!  
**hella:** hey bitches  
**DaddyDolokhov:** yo  
**sonyeah:** wait natasha why did u put anatole in this chat  
**CountessNatalya:** bc helene said i couldn't add her if i didn't add anatole as well  
**hella:** i will not let my brother be excluded. no matter HOW annoying he is.  
**sonyeah:** fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine  
_a few hours later_  
**sonyeah:** why is it so quiet  
**CountessNatalya:** because anatole isn't here?  
**sonyeah:** if only u could see me rolling my eyes through the phone screen  
**hella:** where is anatole?  
**sonyeah:** who knows  
**sonyeah:** and who cares  
**DaddyDolokhov:** I CARE.  
**CountessNatalya:** of course u do  
**sonyeah:** why is there no eyeroll emoji  
**hella:** wait there isn't?  
**sonyeah:** no  
**CountessNatalya:** wow i never noticed that  
**DaddyDolokhov:** fuck ur right  
**sonyeah:** there needs to be one  
**CountessNatalya:** sonya why  
**sonyeah:** because without it there's no way to convey sarcasm through a phone screen  
**hella:** i think we got distracted from the point here  
**CountessNatalya:** what point?  
**hella:** WHERE IS ANATOLE?  
**CountessNatalya:** o yeah right i forgot  
**DaddyDolokhov:** "forgot"  
_**hella** named the chat ANATOLE FIND ANATOLE_  
**sonyeah:** and then.... a rush of cold air  
**sonyeah:** and...  
**anatoliravioli:** guys i'm right here  
**DaddyDolokhov:** FINALLY  
**hella:** anatole where were u  
**anatoliravioli:** BUSY  
**anatoliravioli:** I CAN'T BE ON MY PHONE 24/7 OKAY  
**DaddyDolokhov:** but what exactly were u doing anatole  
**anatoliravioli:** nothing ;);););)  
**CountessNatalya:** ANATOLE  
**hella:** ANATOLE NO  
**hella:** YOU DID NOT  
**anatoliravioli:** ;);););)  
**sonyeah:** i'm out  
**CountessNatalya:** SONYA NO DON'T LEAVE  
_**sonyeah** has left the chat_  
**anatoliravioli:** ;);););)  
_**CountessNatalya** has added **sonyeah** to the chat_  
**sonyeah:** natasha why did you add me back  
**CountessNatalya:** NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE CHAT  
**sonyeah:** fiiiiiiiiiiine


	2. sarcasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anatole's obsession with winky faces spreads to the rest of the chat and Sonya wants death.

**virginmary:** guys hey  
 **virginmary:** i would've seen this earlier but my dad was being a lil shit  
 **CountessNatalya:** hey  
 **CountessNatalya:** wait mary since when did u curse  
 **virginmary:** what i always curse lmao i think you're confusing me with sonya  
 **CountessNatalya:** nah i've heard sonya curse before  
 **sonyeah:** natasha when  
 **sonyeah:** i literally never curse  
 **CountessNatalya:** u don't online but u do irl i've heard u  
 **sonyeah:** when?  
 **CountessNatalya:** one time you couldn't find your favorite sweater and yelled "FUCK"   
**sonyeah:** that never happened????  
 **CountessNatalya:** ye it did  
 **virginmary:** can we stop fighting over who said what  
 **hella:** ^^^^  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** ^^^  
 **virginmary:** are you guys sisters?  
 **CountessNatalya:** NO  
 **CountessNatalya:** WE'RE COUSINS  
 **virginmary:** oH  
 **CountessNatalya:** mary how did you not know this  
 **sonyeah:** i'm disowning u as a friend  
 **virginmary:** i'm sorry just the way you were bickering reminded me of me and my brother  
 _ **hella** named the chat FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS_  
 **hella:** Y'ALL  
 **hella:** 17 MESSAGES  
 **hella:** I LEFT FOR 2 MINUTES TO PEE AND  
 **hella:** 17 MESSAGES  
 **CountessNatalya:** rip helene  
 **anatoliravioli:** ;);););)  
 **hella:** anatole this is not the time  
 **anatoliravioli:** aw :,(  
 **anatoliravioli:** why not  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** BECAUSE ITS ANNOYING  
 **anatoliravioli:** fedya i thought we were friends  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** .....why wouldn't we be friends?  
 **anatoliravioli:** you don't like le winky face  
 **sonyeah:** anatole NOBODY likes the winky face  
 **hella:** nah the winky face is cool  
 **virginmary:** i like the winky face  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** me too  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** just not when anatole does it  
 **sonyeah:** am i the only one who doesn't like the winky face?  
 **anatoliravioli:** yea u are  
 **CountessNatalya:** winky face is lit  
 **sonyeah:** did natasha just say,,,, lit?  
 **CountessNatalya:** yes  
 **CountessNatalya:** ITS LIT YO  
 **anatoliravioli:** ;);););)  
 **virginmary:** ;);););)  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** ;););)  
 **hella:** ;););)  
 **CountessNatalya:** ;););)  
 **anatoliravioli:** ;););)  
 **sonyeah:** ANATOLE LOOK WHAT U STARTED  
 _ **anatoliravioli** named the chat ;);););)_  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** ;);)  
 **hella:** ;););)  
 **virginmary:** ;);)  
 **CountessNatalya:** ;););)  
 **anatoliravioli:** ;););)  
 **sonyeah:** Y'ALL STOP  
 **hella:** SONYA COME JOIN THE REVOLUTION  
 **sonyeah:** NO  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** YOU'RE EITHER WITH US  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** OR AGAINST US  
 **virginmary:** THERE IS NO IN BETWEEN  
 **CountessNatalya:** ITS LIT YO  
 _ **virginmary** named the chat Winky Face Revolution™️_  
 **sonyeah:** i blame anatole  
 **anatoliravioli:** r00d  
 **CountessNatalya:** to be fair it was anatole's idea  
 **hella:** ^^^  
 **anatoliravioli:** ;););)  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** ;););)  
 **virginmary:** ;););)  
 **CountessNatalya:** ;););)  
 **hella:** ;););)  
 **virginmary:** ;););)  
 **sonyeah:** Y'ALL   
**CountessNatalya:** ;););)  
 **anatoliravioli:** ;););)  
 **hella:** ;););)  
 **sonyeah:** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST Y'ALL STOP  
 **CountessNatalya:** SEE SONYA DOES CURSE  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** ;););)  
 **virginmary:** ;););)  
 **sonyeah:** i curse when i need to yes  
 **CountessNatalya:** HA I KNEW IT  
 **hella:** ;););)  
 **anatoliravioli:** ;););)  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** ;););)  
 **sonyeah:** IF Y'ALL DON'T STOP THIS INSTANT, I'M DELETING THIS CHAT  
 **hella:** fiiiine :(  
 **anatoliravioli:** :(  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** way to be mom friend sonya  
 **sonyeah:** I AM NOT A MOM FRIEND  
 **anatoliravioli:** yes u are  
 **hella:** u are  
 **CountessNatalya:** sonya i've known you my entire life you are literally the apitome of a mom friend  
 **sonyeah:** *epitome. learn 2 spell, natasha  
 **CountessNatalya:** WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT SPELLING  
 **virginmary:** the point is ur a mom friend  
 **anatoliravioli:** ^^^  
 **DaddyDolokhov:** ^^^  
 **hella:** ^^^  
 **CountessNatalya:** we're all in agreement here  
 _ **virginmary** named the chat sonya is mom friend_  
 **sonyeah:** Y'ALL  
 **sonyeah:** CALL ME A MOM FRIEND ONE MORE TIME AND  
 **virginmary:** mom friend  
 **CountessNatalya:** good one mary  
 _ **sonyeah** has left the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm playing around with their writing styles so it may not be consistent (e.g., natasha interchangeably goes between just using "u/ur" and spelling out the whole "you/your/you're", mary goes back and forth between capitalizing, etc)  
> lol i'll try to develop a permanent style for each character


	3. bacon is for vegans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a war going on out there somewhere, and Andrey isn't here.....Or is he?

**CountessNatalya:** guys i miss andrey  
**sonyeah:** we know  
**hella:** natasha u tell us that every day  
**CountessNatalya:** well its TRUE alright??  
**virginmary:** i think it's so cute that natasha has a crush on my brother  
**CountessNatalya:** ITS NOT A CRUSH??? WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR 3 MONTHS??? JEEZ MARY  
**virginmary:** WHAT? since when?  
**sonyeah:** didn't she just say 3 months?  
**virginmary:** why did andrey never tell me this?  
**DaddyDolokhov:** sup guys  
**sonyeah:** hey fedya  
**DaddyDolokhov:** hey ;)  
**DaddyDolokhov:** ;);););)  
**sonyeah:** stop with the winky face  
**sonyeah:** u've been spending too much time with anatole  
**anatoliravioli:** WHO CALLED YES IM ANATOLE ANATOLE IS HERE  
**anatoliravioli:** ;););)  
**virginmary:** ;););)  
**CountessNatalya:** ;););)  
**hella:** ;););)  
**anatoliravioli:** ;););)  
**DaddyDolokhov:** ;););)  
__**hella** named the chat ;););)  
**sonyeah:** Y'ALL NOT THIS AGAIN  
**virginmary:** what were we talking about?  
**CountessNatalya:** andrey??  
**virginmary:** o yeah  
**DaddyDolokhov:** what about andrey?  
**hella:** he's not here  
**DaddyDolokhov:** where is he?  
**sonyeah:** NOT HERE  
**DaddyDolokhov:** yea but WHERE is he  
**virginmary:** IDK  
**DaddyDolokhov:** YOU DONT KNOW? MARY UR HIS SISTER HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT KNOW  
**virginmary:** usually i just ignore him  
**anatoliravioli:** wait but where is he?  
**CountessNatalya:** N O T H E R E  
_**sonyeah** named the chat andrey isn't here™_  
**DaddyDolokhov:** but WHERE IS HE?  
**hella:** N O T H E R E  
**anatoliravioli:** prolly off busting a nut  
**sonyeah:** ANATOLE NO  
**anatoliravioli:** ANATOLE YES  
**virginmary:** brb  
**CountessNatalya:** where are you going?  
**virginmary:** IM ADDING ANDREY  
**hella:** BUT HE'S NOT HERE  
**virginmary:** EXACTLY  
_**virginmary** added **andreyyyy** to the chat_  
**andreyyyy:** sup guys  
**CountessNatalya:** ANDREY  
**andreyyyy:** NATASHA  
**CountessNatalya:** ANDREY  
**andreyyyy:** NATASHA  
**CountessNatalya:** ANDREY  
**hella:** relationship goals  
**andreyyyy:** i don't get the point of this  
**sonyeah:** wait....... andrey is here?  
**DaddyDolokhov:** ^^^  
**anatoliravioli:** ^^^  
**andreyyyy:** YEA I'M HERE  
**andreyyyy:** WHY WOULDN'T I BE HERE?  
**andreyyyy:** ????  
**andreyyyy:** i is the confused  
**CountessNatalya:** ANDREY YOU WEREN'T HERE  
**andreyyyy:** mary what the fuck did you add me to?  
**virginmary:** ;););)  
**andreyyyy:** i'm leaving  
**CountessNatalya:** ANDREY COME BACK  
_**andreyyyy** has left the chat_  
**CountessNatalya:** GOD DAMNIT ANDREY  
_**CountessNatalya** has left the chat_  
**hella:** y'all i'm done  
**hella:** bacon  
**DaddyDolokhov:** bacon?  
**hella:** BACON  
**sonyeah:** helene  
**sonyeah:** why bacon  
**hella:** bacon is good  
**anatoliravioli:** my sister likes bacon  
**hella:** who DOESN'T like bacon?  
**DaddyDolokhov:** vegans?  
**virginmary:** tru  
**sonyeah:** but none of us are vegans  
**DaddyDolokhov:** exactly  
**hella:** wait i thought vegans loved bacon  
**virginmary:** no??  
**virginmary:** helene,,, do you even know what the word vegan means?  
**hella:** tbh no i don't  
**hella:** do they not eat bacon?  
**sonyeah:** HELENE  
**sonyeah:** VEGANS DON'T EAT MEAT  
**sonyeah:** BACON IS MEAT  
**sonyeah:** THEREFORE THEY DON'T EAT BACON  
**hella:** o my bad  
**hella:** i thought they ate bacon  
**DaddyDolokhov:** god damnit helene  
**virginmary:** y'all i'm done  
**anatoliravioli:** jeSUS WHAT HAPPENED  
**DaddyDolokhov:** ANATOLE YOU MISSED AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION  
**anatoliravioli:** what the fuck guys  
**anatoliravioli:** how is bacon important  
**sonyeah:** i blame helene  
**hella:** r00d  
**sonyeah:** YOU STARTED IT  
**hella:** why does nobody understand the importance of bacon  
**hella:** i'm leaving  
_**hella** has left the chat_  
**ItsBalaga:** BACON IS FOR VEGANS  
**sonyeah:** what the fuck.....  
**DaddyDolokhov:** leave it to balaga to show up at the most random moments  
**virginmary:** i'm surprised it's balaga and not anatole  
**anatoliravioli:** Y'ALL ARE SO RUDE  
**anatoliravioli:** WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME  
**sonyeah:** because ur anatole  
**anatoliravioli:** r00d  
**anatoliravioli:** i'm leaving,,, out of PURE SPITE  
_**anatoliravioli** has left the chat_  
**virginmary:** SMH WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP LEAVING  
**DaddyDolokhov:** idk  
**sonyeah:** y'all come back  
_**DaddyDolokhov** has left the chat_  
**virginmary:** GOD DAMNIT DOLOKHOV  
**virginmary:** okay who's still here  
**sonyeah:** me  
**ItsBalaga:** T R O I K A S  
**virginmary:** what the fuck,,,?  
**sonyeah:** don't question it  
_**sonyeah** has removed **ItsBalaga** from the chat_  
**virginmary:** thank u  
**sonyeah:** :)  
**sonyeah:** wait but now it's just you and me  
**virginmary:** shit ur right  
**virginmary:** well not anymore i'm leaving  
**sonyeah:** MARY NO  
**virginmary:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
**sonyeah:** MAR Y  
**virginmary:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
_**virginmary** has left the chat_  
**sonyeah:** gr8 now i'm alone  
_**sonyeah** has named the chat sonya alone_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all this was incredibly long i'm sorry it was gonna be shorter than the last two but i started having fun with it  
> i might take a break from writing for a bit but i'll prolly have the next one up if not later today then sometime this week :)
> 
> p.s. next chapter we meet pierre


	4. what about pierre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pierre arrives to fuck shit up

**CountessNatalya** : hey guys  
**grandedame** : Hey  
**CountessNatalya:** WTF MARYA WHERE DID YOU COME FROM  
**grandedame:** I WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME  
**sonyeah:** well you never said anything so  
**hella:** hey marya  
**grandedame:** Hello Hélène  
**grandedame:** Where is Pierre?  
**hella:** no idea  
**CountessNatalya:** prolly off somewhere getting drunk  
**virginmary:** i dont think he's in this chat..  
**grandedame:** Why not?  
**sonyeah:** we forgot to add him  
_**CountessNatalya** named the chat WHAT ABOUT PIERRE_  
**virginmary:** smooth  
**sonyeah:** i just realized only the girls are on rn  
**hella:** omg  
**CountessNatalya:** GIRL POWER  
**hella:** marya i can add pierre if u want  
**grandedame:** Yes please  
_**hella** added **Pierre1Imports**_  
**Pierre1Imports:** hello everyone  
**hella:** hey pierre  
**virginmary:** hi pierre :)  
**CountessNatalya:** rip girl power  
**hella:** rip  
**Pierre1Imports:** we are all,,,  
**Pierre1Imports:** just children  
**virginmary:** truth  
**Pierre1Imports:** of dust  
**hella:** okay..???  
**Pierre1Imports:** and ashes  
**sonyeah:** pierre quit being emo  
_**CountessNatalya** named the chat pierre is emo_  
**anatoliravioli:** im leaving  
**hella:** ANATOLE  
**sonyeah:** ANATOLE WERE YOU HERE THE WHOLE TIME?  
**anatoliravioli:** ...yes  
**anatoliravioli:** but not anymore, im leaving  
**CountessNatalya:** ANATOLE NO  
_**anatoliravioli** has left the chat_  
**hella:** ANATOLE  
**hella:** COME BACK  
**sonyeah:** he's gone  
_**CountessNatalya** added **anatoliravioli**_  
**anatoliravioli:** smh guys  
**hella:** anatole why did you leave  
**anatoliravioli:** marya and pierre scare me okay??!  
**sonyeah:** mood  
**CountessNatalya:** ^^  
**virginmary:** marya and pierre scare everyone  
**sonyeah:** TRUTH  
**hella:** where did marya even go?  
**CountessNatalya:** who knows  
**sonyeah:** hang on i'll text her  
**hella:** it's just weird cuz like she kept asking about pierre and then the moment we put pierre in the chat she just,,, randomly disappears  
**CountessNatalya:** hm that is weird  
**hella:** yep  
**sonyeah:** marya won't answer her texts  
**CountessNatalya:** rip  
_**Pierre1Imports** named the chat cum 4 death_  
**virginmary:** pierre what the actual fuck  
**hella:** im kinkshaming  
_**anatoliravioli** named the chat cum 4 everything_  
**CountessNatalya:** ANATOLE NO  
**anatoliravioli:** ANATOLE YES  
**virginmary:** ANATOLE NO  
**anatoliravioli:** ANATOLE YES  
**sonyeah:** ANATOLE NO  
**anatoliravioli:** ANATOLE YES  
**hella:** A N A T O L E N O  
**anatoliravioli:** A N A T O L E Y E S  
_**CountessNatalya** named the chat ANATOLE NO_  
_**anatoliravioli** named the chat ANATOLE YES_  
**sonyeah:** peace out yo  
**virginmary:** bye sonya  
_**sonyeah** had left the chat_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i haven't updated this in forever oops


End file.
